Thursday, September 22, 2011

4th - Meet Me Halfway

Hmmmm.. Not quite a hectic day but still didn't achieve much from my previous to do list! Gah!

1) Entertainment for D Meet
2) Script - To come up with new and updated script
3) Rcs F. Dept  job list - this one's been pending for a long timeee... don't think anyone will do their tasks if they're not pushed or written in stone. sigh.. the spirit of it, salahhhh...
4) Daimoku records.
5) Email out D. Meet topic / material for Rcs.

6) Learn up Alam Tanahair song


RFP... gahhhhhhhhhhh......................... Tested out the script a lil.... gahhhhh!!! I don't have the flair of an emcee.. I don't have the intonations or fluency of speech sometimes. I really think i need to chant hard for this.... instead of the veterans heading / doing most of it... I get a big chunk of the script or should I say I'm talking from start to finish! Something that I didn't expect at all... :( worrieeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssss...........


On another note, Eng Ann Mamak's rotiiiiii kosong was nice! Teh Tarik at one point had a hint of Kofi to it... hmmmmm... I need to keep up my 1 hour chanting per day... not kidding that it's dai-ing d :(


Keep pushing forward Kxin!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Step Step Step...

OMGhzn... my nerves.. lol... feels crazyyyy...

Hmmmm slow day at work again.. I really cannot stand looking at the bloody filing that I have to do. Everything else, letters, follow ups and calls and calculations NO PROBLEM but I hate it the most when it comes to filing. And gah yes, I haven't been doing a really good job at it.. I really pull back and hesitate a lot but the annoyance is really putting me far behind in completion of my work. Everything else can't start without it. Time to really put my eyes and heart into it... Sigh... I really, don't, like, filing. I do feel like crying whenever my dad's partner sits me down to do a walk through and check on it... Kinda feel like a failure every single time there's something missing or wrong with it. Guess that's why I got no heart to do it anymore. Time to face my fears....!!

LOL. The above was 1 full paragraph dedicated to complain about filing.

Anyways, had a very productive day today. A, L and S came for the Kayo Kai meet which I'm extremely happy about! It's all 'cause of homevisit I tell you!! Must make sure we keep up all the homevisits that we've doneeee! before long, we won't know who else to visit.. hahahaaha.. : ) It's always nice to have new faces and indirectly new sisters. N couldn't make it and sigh, I guess I should've called or spoken to her and not just left it at the SMS. Need to take note to put in more effort into stuff! Kxin..................... Do better!

Actually sent CYL to school today coz aunty AnG was out with my mum... Rushed over to pick her up at 12.45pm. dropped her off and parked really further than S's house.. Poorthing her also coz she gotta depend on ppl to take her stuff like bags and all. I bet she doesn't feel happy about the arrangement coz could see she feels bad about it. But anyways, jsut hung around at the waiting place with her and was approached by school prefects. LOL. they didn't know who I was and just wanted to inform her to get a pass for me so that she's able to have visitors wait with her there. Girl prefects was like saying... "ermmm.. so your... ermm... mum??? can wait here with you"... omg. MOM. sigh. yes i know, I look like an aunty.

anyways let's just leave that there.

Then had a small little project of prayer list or victory daimoku to do. very productive indeed! So we have a prayer list next to the butsudan for all to see and pray for good health! took us an hour plus awhile to crack our heads but it's there!

Oh yeah, discussion meet prep didn't happen today.. sigh.. was hoping it would... but yeah, time to really put my thinking cap on and do something about the entertainment. GHT mentioned about this month being the month of Peace and next month Gokuyo time.. apparently there's a few buddhist stories on this, maybe a story telling session? Or an informative RFP facts and FAQs for the crowd to be prepared for the run?

Which reminds me! The Script IS NOT DONE. GAH! Gotta do it if not takkan go empty handed to see the  committee right? The rest aren't that nervous, maybe it's not sooooo needed? Not sure..

So yeah 4 things:
1) Entertainment for D Meet
2) Script
3) Rcs F. Dept  job list - this one's been pending for a long timeee... don't think anyone will do their tasks if they're not pushed or written in stone. sigh.. the spirit of it, salahhhh...
4) Daimoku records.
5) Email out D. Meet topic / material for Rcs.

Guess this will be my diary on things to do.

Kxin




Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Step Two

Waking up these few mornings is hard, probably it's because of my aching back or maybe 'cause I don't know what I'm doing any more? Most times feel like I've lost control of my life a lil. But I think I'm passed that already... Time to start looking into my life and be the navigator of it. Time to take over the reigns and be captain instead of that soulless zombie.

Emcee for Run For Peace 2011? I shake and am weak in my knees knowing that I'll talk in front of 8,000 people. Let's not talk about those that are really judgemental! I know I get pretty tongue tied and go off like speedy gonzales when I get nervous.! How can one person be tongue tied and speedy gonzales right? Kinda relying on Mr. Loh and Ms. Chin on this because I'm not too sure what to do or react. But I know there's no laying back on this!

Tonight there'll be an Ikeda Kayo Kai meeting, not too sure who's conducting it, probably best to check and find out rather than later plus after that I'll have a discussion meeting prep. No news on that yet, maybe best to check up on that as well. Gotta handle the entertainment part on discussion meeting but still no ideas. Hmmm...

Let's go Kxin.

P.S. Kayo Kai's settled and discussion meet prep is underway tonight. but what to do for entertainment... hmmmmmmm...

First Step

First step to change is admitting that things have changed and that I need to change with it. Time to really grow and stop thinking about it.

I'm sorry I'm no longer the same person anymore. I've said what needs to be said and I want everyone to start moving forward already. Time to do it and no longer just say it. Do this, and we'll all see our futures again.

Kxin

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Mind filled with thoughts

I can't stop it rolling and rolling and rolling in the deep..

Monday, July 11, 2011

Living Like An Empty Shell

Sometimes i feel like i'm so torn and suffocated by every aspect of my life. What i believed in, the things that i used to shout or stand for.. i'm put into that situation now.. Now i guess i can truly understand what others in the same situation as me have felt.. yes. the world does feel like it's coming to an end.

But why? Sigh.. i just want to let my heart stop pounding.. so i can stop hurting the people around me...

Friday, April 15, 2011

a Year 2011 post

I've been so much away, almost everything changed. how i look at the world, how i look at life and how i look at myself.

i actually lost myself and i'm still lost right now. no one can save me, i alone only can save myself.

i need me. find me.

me.